February 14 is almost here and that leads me to asking all the guys out there a question: how many of you like Valentine’s Day?
Now that I’m a happily married stepdad, I don’t mind the day. Much.
But when I was single — and most of the time that meant unattached — Valentine’s Day was something to be endured and ignored. Like a split lip or a bunion.
I felt as if I was walking around with a neon beanie that screamed “I’m alone! I suck! I’m not good enough for anyone with two X chromosomes! Even the neighbour’s cat hates me!”
And feeling left out? Let me tell you about that. On February 14, guys like me stood outside, peering in the window at all the attached people inside the grand Valentine’s mansion. They all seemed to be floating on happy pills. I was still hobbling with that bunion.
The day can be treacherous for attached guys, too. The marketing world works hard to convince women they need and deserve certain gifts (or ‘experiences’) on Valentine’s Day. And in some cases, if they don’t receive those gifts, the guy gets a couple of nights to share fleas with Fido. In other words, the best some attached guys can do, is NOT get into trouble. And they can sweat away several pounds thinking, consulting, and shopping to make sure they don’t fall short.
If you consider these scenarios carefully, you’ll probably come to the same conclusion as me: they all address the need for acceptance. Male or female, most single people want a relationship — or at least the opportunity for one — and with that, the collective voice of society assuring them they don’t suck.
For attached people, there’s the desire for acceptance from their mate. And often, this world suggests that acceptance — and, therefore, value — depends on what they received compared to their attached friends. Did they get a singing card and Toblerone bar, or 48 roses and an expensive night out?
All this certainly seems fraught with peril, like walking through an emotional minefield waiting for something to blow up in your face. Then I remember a pretty cool thing written by one of the earliest followers of Jesus of Nazareth (who many people believe is the Son of God): “In Jesus’s family, there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us, you are all equal.”
In other words, God accepts us exactly as we are, with all our imperfections, fears and life stories.
We don’t have to give, or receive, gifts or ‘experiences’ to be accepted. In fact, we don’t even have to have a special loved one to be accepted. That’s not what our culture may tell you, but it’s already happened with the most important person you can ever know: Jesus of Nazareth. So if Valentines’ Day brings on decidedly mixed emotions, this may be good to keep mind.
Frank's Cottage 
Honestly? If my husband “forgot” Valentine’s Day, I’d be crushed. Fortunately for me, though, he is always thoughtful that way – so far, so good! But, you make the most important point here, Frank, that we are loved and accepted by Jesus, and that should be enough for us always.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Thanks for your thoughts and for commenting, Martha. I always appreciate it. 🙂
Great post Frank. I like the split lip or bunion analogy…lol. It’s funny how love can be a 2 way street, but Valentines Day seems to always be aimed at the men showing love toward the woman and never the other way around. It would be lovely if the media marketed Sears Chain Saw’s for men, along with See’s Chocolates for women as the standard in Valentines gifts….
You make an excellent point! Thanks for reading and commenting! 🙂
Great blog, Frank! I think Valentine’s Day puts too much pressure on men…you have to live up to the wife’s friends’ husbands and if you don’t than disaster happens.
I am a firm believer that Valentine’s Day should be spent doing something together…dinner, movie, etc. and a card. No pressure, just a day to be glad you are together.
I’m with you on this one, Rhonda. Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂
As I have just re-entered the world of romantic relationships, this has been a topic at the front of my mind – and not because of the acceptance perspective but because of this concern…expectation.
I know the man in my life accepts me for who and what I am, and I thank God for that pretty much daily. I had put on myself this perceived expectation of what I should be doing. I was even going around to friends asking how to do this Valentine’s Day thing well for him until one of those wise souls suggested that I talk with him.
In this relationship, as in my relationship with God, I find that I will sometimes use my own expectations and finite understandings as the measuring stick in life when I should be talking with the One who knows – spending time with Him, in relationship consistently, getting to know His heart and drawing closer. In building that relationship, I truly believe that the societal pressure and expectations melt away as the true love of that relationship grows.
So what will the man in my life get this Valentine’s Day? Maybe a card, but definitely he will receive my time, my affection, and the gift of knowing that February 14th is not the only day that he is loved dearly.
Wonderful, thoughtful comment, Melanie. Thanks for reading and contributing. 🙂
Good stuff, Frank…wholeheartedly agree in every way. And thanks for your comment on my NJ.com post.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Brian. You write good stuff! 🙂
For now, until God brings my husband, God is my valentine….and I am totally okay with that. 😀
You go, girl! 🙂
I really love your essay!! I’m happily married and all we want is to be together till the end of our lives…our daily present is our love blessed by our Lord Jesus Christ!!! We don’t need any gifts..we have each other♡♥♡♥♡♥Amen!!
Thanks for your kind words and contribution to the conversation, Daisy. 🙂
I’m a widow, never put much thought into Valentine’s Day, no flower person me. Actually, I don’t care for them and I’m not sure all that talk of “gourmet chocolates” is worth the expense.
If I seem cynical, I apologize, but really, I’m just really easy to please, with one exception: I’d like to have had more time with my husband, talking and exchanging ideas, being who we were to each other being one. I do like your essay. And, from one who really doesn’t participate, Happy Valentine’s Day.
Thanks for reading and contributing your thoughts, Lisa. I appreciate it. 🙂
Good read Frank…Lisa is right… a made up day to tell someone you love them is embarrassing when you think about it. Being reliable with your time and efforts is the most romantic thing anyone could ever do for someone else…you know…like Jesus’ example
Good points, Mark. Thanks for reading and contributing. 🙂
why is valentines day one day of the year that people celebrate or worry and stress about ,, when you are in a happy relationship it should be valentines every day with no expectation from your partner , its too commercialized and has taken the real meaning and value out of love.
It’s yet another Valentine’s day and again I’ve received nothing from my husband. For me it’s about the thought and not so much how much he spends.
Considering I do something thoughtful every day for my husband and child, it’s one of the three days for me, that I want to feel special and thought about (my birthday and Mother’s day).
It takes a mere minutes to call a florist and order flowers. That thoughtful action says volumes. I wish more men understood that about women.
I *definitely* don’t think you are asking too much. 😦
Happy Valentine’s day, this is a great blog!! You do understand today’s delima.
Very thoughtful perspective! Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Thanks for a great article Frank. My parents were my guide to how Valentine’s Day should be dealt with. My mother was a ‘stay-at-home’ 50’s mom who had little money of her own to work with, other than the housekeeping money. However, she managed to stretch that to infinity and back and always sent each of us 7 children to school on Valentine’s Day with either a heart-shaped cake or cupcakes with cinnamon hearts on the icing to share with our classmates at our Valentine’s Day party as well as a Valentine for each member of our class. When we got home, we had a special dinner where she tried so serve ‘red’ foods and always, we had a special Valentine’s Day-themed dessert. She and my dad exchanged cards and sometimes he would buy her a wee rose that she could later plant in her garden. One particularly tough year, he bought her a $2.97 miniature potted rose at Zeller’s and she later planted it in the garden. It bloomed until they had both passed on and when we sold their house, we dug the rose up and planted it between their graves. To us, it was a symbol of their love for each other.
Frank truly appreciate the blog, and Danielle I cried when I read your thoughts , so touching what you did with the rose bush. To me I always thought it was overrated a kiss and telling someone you love them is enough, the love and respect towards each other should be year round not on one day of the year. I find that everything now is materialistic and one has to out do the other. Love towards each other is paramount every day., do what makes you comfortable. Little did my ex know that sitting in front of the fireplace with him was better than all the stuffed animals that I received. Saying this Happy Valentine Day to one and all
Great article, Frank. I would prefer that it be called Love Day and that we hug, have a pot luck lunch for everyone but that may not get the big diamonds sold.
Call me cynical, but I’ve long thought this whole Valentine’s Day thing was something of a sham, dreamt up by the media and various industries (candy makers, florists, etc.) to spur the economy out of it’s mid-winter doldrums!
Think about it; Christmas is far behind us, Easter is still some weeks away… How can we spur the masses to spend some bucks? Oh, I know…Let’s dredge up some long-forgotten Christian saint who married ancient Roman couples in defiance of Caesar (who was busy feeding Christians to the lions!) and make up a holiday about romantic love!
The whole thing sets up women with unrealistic (and often unrealized) expectations, and men with equally unrealistic (but often realized!) fears of falling short of those expectations!
Talk about escalating the war between the sexes?!!
I say banish Valentines Day, and take that celebration of rodents known as Groundhog Day along with it to the dustbin of history!
Bah! Humbug!
Love, Ebenezer Scrooge!