Ye gotta like it when innocuous little moments shine a light on something big in your life. That happened one winter day when my father-in-law helped me install a plastic insulation barrier on a wind-blasted bedroom window.
We were applying two-sided tape to the window frame—it holds the barrier in place—when Fred complained that every time he unrolled the tape, it would wind itself up again.
I heard his words and instantly realized: this is a metaphor for my life. So often I launch self-improvement projects to:
- listen better;
- remember more (just ask my wife about my horrible memory for anything recent);
- become more aware of when I’m being petty;
- stop giving with my hand out to receive thanks/praise and;
- value family relationships more (gee, Frank, would the occasional phone call to your brothers kill you?)
Guess what happens to those initiatives? Like the two-sided insulation barrier tape, every time I unwind them, they spool back up and I have to start over.
I sense this happens with a lot of people. We’re taught to do everything ourselves because only incompetent people ask for help. And we keep on believing this, even though our failed projects stare us in the face like a blinding spotlight.
When I consider the spooled-up tape of my initiatives, the conclusion is obvious: I can’t improve myself alone, no matter what any self-help book says. I don’t believe any of us can. We’re just too burdened with leftover childhood issues, with relationships that leave us burning with anger or disappointment, with unbreakable bad habits, and with emotionally crippling betrayals.
Does it make sense to write that we need help from someone more powerful; someone who’s not battling emotional issues; someone who always, ALWAYS has time for us, no matter how annoying or frustrating we can be?
I found something written by an ancient follower of Jesus of Nazareth (who many people believe is the Son of God) that refers to this help: “Jesus has been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to Him and get what He is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.”
For me, I simply ask for that assistance through prayer. And if you don’t feel capable or ready to pray, one of Jesus’s earliest followers talks about that, too: “If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. God’s spirit does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.”
After praying, things can start to happen. It might be something supernatural—suddenly, your desire to listen better is actually fulfilled. Or it might be God working through a colleague or relative who has surprisingly sage words of advice, or makes an unexpected commitment to hold you accountable.
I don’t have to pray about the insulation barrier; Fred and I got it nicely installed. But all my other, more important improvement projects? That’s another matter….
Frank's Cottage 
I have to remember to ask God to help me with my own “self improvement” projects. I am so programmed to do it myself and wonder why I keep failing. Thanks for the reminder 🙂
Yes, Frank, one of the biggest mistakes we can make is deluding ourselves into thinking we can accomplish anything on our own. We need God’s help at all times.
Beautiful analogy with the tape, too! Isn’t it great when ordinary things can teach us extraordinary lessons?
Blessings!
The kind of little “epiphanies” that sparked this essay don’t happen often, Martha. Glad I grabbed onto this one. Thanks, as always, for reading and commenting. 🙂
Dear Frank,
This is indeed an interesting essay, thanks for sharing it.
It started out really interesting and I could relate to it. Indeed, there is much folly in so called self-improvement projects! Yet then suddenly there was this strange structural break where supernaturalism entered the picture and everything seemed so stuffy and straightjacketed again.
I think it is a good idea not to try to self-optimize yourself all the time but just relax and let it go! Yet I don’t consider it a good idea to wait on Somebody Who it is not even clear to exist in the first place to change me and take my problems away. It might be consoling at first but it won’t help sustainably. I am afraid we still have to sort it out ourselves – yet in a more tranquil and considerate manner! (I am not saying that He doesn’t exist because I don’t know that. I am just saying that it is not a good idea to base your life on Something you don’t know exists).
Being a spiritual open agnostic and not a hardened religious believer (which I was many years ago) I have found that you have to think beyond supposedly jealous Gods but embrace reality and spirituality to its fullest. Life is bigger and far richer when you break free from those ancient anthropomorphic notions of supernaturalism.
Dear Frank, there is far more out there and in yourself, subconsciously you know that already although you try to make it fit with the preconceptions of the culture you grew up in.
I am confident you will find this bigger and richer spiritual reality within yourself someday – Take care
h
P.S.: I like your motto: “relax, have a drink and talk about life” 🙂
P.P.S.: You are a great photographer, your pictures are awesome!
Thanks for your comments. I know God exists because of what I see and experience. And I know I have a soul and that soul will continue after this life. I also want to be the person that God knows I can be and that’s definitely better than the person I am today.
And as someone who came to faith in Jesus Christ in my 40s, I know that life is bigger and far richer after I broke away from our culture’s ideas of happiness and “success”. 🙂
Thank you for your answer. I think we both have interesting stories to tell. I e.g. lost my my faith somewhere around my 30s.
I agree with you that our culture’s ideas of happiness and “success” are mistaken.
You also need self improvement tape if you own a new VW SUV when the windshield or rear window suddenly shatter. Very sticky tape and some plastic barrier strip to repair it. VW say it’s “an act of God” and not their fault. Many VW owners have been given the opportunity to “self improve” by their patience and forbearance.