February 14 is almost here and that leads me to asking all the guys out there a question: how many of you like Valentine’s Day?
Now that I’m a happily married stepdad, I don’t mind the day. Much.
But when I was single — and most of the time that meant unattached — Valentine’s Day was something to be endured and ignored. Like a split lip or a bunion.
I felt as if I was walking around with a neon beanie that screamed “I’m alone! I suck! I’m not good enough for anyone with two X chromosomes! Even the neighbour’s cat hates me!”
And feeling left out? Let me tell you about that. On February 14, guys like me stood outside, peering in the window at all the attached people inside the grand Valentine’s mansion. They all seemed to be floating on happy pills. I was still hobbling with that bunion.
The day can be treacherous for attached guys, too. The marketing world works hard to convince women they need and deserve certain gifts (or ‘experiences’) on Valentine’s Day. And in some cases, if they don’t receive those gifts, the guy gets a couple of nights to share fleas with Fido. In other words, the best some attached guys can do, is NOT get into trouble. And they can sweat away several pounds thinking, consulting, and shopping to make sure they don’t fall short.
If you consider these scenarios carefully, you’ll probably come to the same conclusion as me: they all address the need for acceptance. Male or female, most single people want a relationship — or at least the opportunity for one — and with that, the collective voice of society assuring them they don’t suck.
For attached people, there’s the desire for acceptance from their mate. And often, this world suggests that acceptance — and, therefore, value — depends on what they received compared to their attached friends. Did they get a singing card and Toblerone bar, or 48 roses and an expensive night out?
All this certainly seems fraught with peril, like walking through an emotional minefield waiting for something to blow up in your face. Then I remember a pretty cool thing written by one of the earliest followers of Jesus of Nazareth (who many people believe is the Son of God): “In Jesus’s family, there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us, you are all equal.”
In other words, God accepts us exactly as we are, with all our imperfections, fears and life stories.
We don’t have to give, or receive, gifts or ‘experiences’ to be accepted. In fact, we don’t even have to have a special loved one to be accepted. That’s not what our culture may tell you, but it’s already happened with the most important person you can ever know: Jesus of Nazareth. So if Valentines’ Day brings on decidedly mixed emotions, this may be good to keep mind.
Frank's Cottage 